Self-Abandonment & Self-Trust in Love & Intimacy
One of the biggest wounds I see people working with in personal growth and healing is the wound of self-abandonment in sex, intimacy, and relationship.
I know for me, the romantic relationships I got myself into in my 20s are the experiences that brought me into the darkest places of my own psyche and self-abandonment, because of how deep my desire was:
1) To be chosen.
2) To be loved.
3) To escape from circumstances in my life I didn't believe I had the power or ability to change on my own.
On a deep level I had this idea that being chosen by a man in intimate and sexual partnership would save me from the fears of brokenness or not-enoughness that hid within the cracks of my consciousness––
––limiting my own capacity to create and subtly sabotaging my ability to embody the knowing that I had (and have) all the power to create and manifest within me.
In short, I didn't trust myself to be able to make decisions and take actions in my life that would genuinely move my reality in a direction that aligned with my dreams.
And because of this lack of trust in Self, I would choose partnerships with men that would reflect this lack of trust I had in myself by attracting partners who didn't trust me or would try to manipulate my perspective on reality.
I take full ownership for this. I was a consenting participant in the dynamic, and even though my shadow and subconscious was running the show in a lot of these dynamics that involved me going to some very dark places in myself that I don't have a desire to return to––
––ultimately, if I desired to liberate myself from the pattern of attracting these dynamics with men into my life (and I DID desire that), I needed to take full responsibility for my role in creating it.
Now here's the thing. The process for releasing these trauma-based patterns of relating (where my own addiction to suffering and no reference point for anything different wound up re-creating similar scenarios in my life over and over again), required me to look deeply into the places where I held shame for:
1) The decisions I'd made up until that point regarding men, sex, intimacy, and partnership.
2) My desires (and sometimes fetishes) regarding my sexuality and sexual preferences.
3) The harm that I'd caused to myself (or to others) in the process.
Through my devotion to releasing myself from wounded-patterns of relating in sex and intimacy, SO THAT I COULD BE A SOVEREIGN CREATOR IN EVERY AREA OF MY LIFE, I became very clear that my attachment to and identification with shame in my life was inhibiting my ability to:
1) Forgive myself
2) Trust myself.
In this post, let's focus specially on SELF-TRUST, because SELF-FORGIVENESS is another big topic which I'll address at another time.
We can’t trust ourselves in places where we hold shame.
And in places where we don’t trust ourselves AND hold shame, self-abandonment is likely to occur.
This is why releasing shame around our sexuality is so key.
Because if we allow shame to live there, we wind up attracting or creating those experiences that reflect the lack of trust we hold in ourselves in areas of life where sexuality or sexual desire occurs.
Self-abandonment in sexuality is one of the deepest places where fragmentation of the self can occur, because of how deeply sexuality is linked to our core essential self.
Sexuality is what brought us into this world, and if we hold shame for that truth, or areas surrounding that truth, it not only caps our ability to embrace the innocence of our own pleasure, but it also caps our ability to experience and be in relationship with God.
Let's restore sexuality to its rightful place at the table.
As a deeply human experience and embodiment that is an access point to collective healing and reconnection to our inherent Divinity. 💫
With Love,
Arielle Rebecca Brown
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The Erotic Integration Mastermind is open for enrollment.
We begin November 2nd, 2022. 💫
Details are in the cover photo above.