Wearing Armour vs. Having Boundaries
This week I held a group call for my online men’s container, called ATTUNE, and we were having a conversation about energetic armoring.
On the call, one of the men shared that he feels like he walks around energetically guarded wherever he goes. He described how this armor felt like it perpetually blocked him from the type of intimacy and connection he was truly wanting.
As we explored more deeply, we got to uncover how this armor had actually been constructed when he was very young.
This armor had formed out of necessity as a child because of certain dynamics with core people in his life where he didn’t feel safe to be open and vulnerable (receptive) to the perspectives and desires/expectations of the people around him.
This armor, while it was something that had formed when he was young, was still something that he carried around with him 30+ years later, and we were exploring the question of how to take the armor off.
I shared with the group that often the reason armor stays with us into adulthood is because we haven’t cultivated an embodied relationship with our own boundaries.
I clarified that boundaries are actually different from armor.
While armor is something that is solid, impenetrable, and often non-discerning about what it blocks from our energetic-emotional body on an unconscious or subconscious level…
…boundaries, in their most exalted and healthy form, are actually permeable, fluid, and adaptable based upon the unique circumstances and evolving truth and feelings that a person experiences on a moment-to-moment basis.
Whereas armor tends to keep us disconnected from the people and environment around us from a place of self-preservation and self-protection….
…our boundaries support us in acclimating to environments in a way that allows us to staying open and connected to the world around us.
When we haven’t consciously cultivated a relationship with our inner boundary system, our armor serves as an auto-pilot defense to ensure our basic safety and survival.
Armor tends to be a default of trauma, boundaries are an act of devotion to self.
The challenge is, most of us never cultivated the ability to connect on an intimate and somatic relationship with our boundaries, because:
1. We were early on taught that in order to main connection with our primary caregivers, we needed to sacrifice aspects of our personal truths and perspectives to avoid rocking the boat.
2. It wasn’t safe to say “no” because we would risk being judged, shamed, attacked, disowned by those who provided us safety and a sense of family.
3. We learned to become disconnected from our bodies, our feelings, and sensations that tell us our “yes” and “no”, in order to cope with the physical and emotional pain that came with being judged or misunderstood by those we loved.
Many of us, as a result, have been living in a state of survival around our emotional/psychological/spiritual/energetic well-being, because we simply weren’t taught that it wasn’t okay to thrive and feel safe in our own bodies.
And here’s the thing, in order to thrive, and find deep fulfillment in our lives, in love, and in all of our relationships, it is essential that we learn how to take off our energetic armor, by cultivating a healthy and embodied relationship with our own inner-boundary system.
This is why I created The Soul of Boundaries Self-Paced Mini-Course (exactly 2 years ago over Thanksgiving week in 2017).
This course pulls back the veil of the underlying stories, emotions, and belief systems we've held about what boundaries are, so we can release the subconscious fears and patterns that prevent us from knowing and speaking our truth in the moment.
The course has 4 different video modules, covering the following:
1 Fears & False Beliefs About Boundaries
2 Aligning Your Inner & Outer Reality
3 Validating Your Emotional Experience
4 Becoming a Conscious Creator
Each video module comes with specific journaling questions that invite you to integrate and apply the content into your own immediate relational reality.
To learn more about The Soul of Boundaries mini-course, click here.